I would be a puppy.
Pretty much because you get to pee and poop wherever you want to.

also party time for this being my first forum post on the Interguild.  

LOL at your avatar xD

I would be a dog, but I'd try to remember my previous life as an English-speaking human to try and communicate with other humans as a dog.

You finally posted though! =D

xD Yeah, derpy dogs forever.

Woot, woot!

I would be a turtle. Because turtles can live forever. Also, people don't kill really old turtles, so if I can keep my head down for the first hundred years or so, I'll be brought to a zoo as an honored guest, fed regularly, and be at peace with my turtliness. However, things don't always go according to plan, so it may happen that I am discovered before the hundred year mark. In that case, I'll most likely be found by some child, so I'll have to be as cute as possible in order to convince them not to squish me, throw me, or try to take my shell off. Since I'm such a charismatic young turtle, I will naturally succeed, so the child will bring me home as a pet. As they grow older, they will keep feeding me and keeping me company. One day, when they're doing their math homework, I will tap on my tank vigorously until they come over to see what I want. They won't be able to figure it out, so they'll take me over to their homework and jokingly ask "Do you want to help me do math, buddy?". Then, I will grab the pencil with my mouth and start solving the problems. They'll be so amazed that they don't go and tell their parents for a full 5 minutes.

When their parents get there, I will have finished half of the math problems (it takes a while for turtles to do stuff). Then, the parents will observe me, a lowly turtle, doing advanced mathematics, which is odd because the problems really only require the ability to add, but I am nonetheless going to find a way to make it absolutely necessary that I calculate the gradient of function of three variables (that was, in fact, a grammatically correct sentence). The parents, realizing that I must be some kind of turtle genius, will call various new agencies and animal groups so that they will come and look at the amazing turtle mathematician.

This will obviously draw so much attention that research groups will come and ask the parents if they can buy me for experiments. While the child will protest with the utmost zeal, the parents will agree, having been offered an exuberant amount of cash. I will then be sadly torn away from my math buddy in slow motion as streams of milky tears stream down their checks and a single, sad, mellow issues from my turtle mouth.

At the lab, the researchers will ply me with an unending torrent of rigorous proofs, theorems, and equations. At first, I will agree because who wouldn't love that? But soon, I will grow lonely and long for the comfort of my old friend. At this point, I will refuse to do anymore math. The researchers will be very confused. They will spend a full month trying to figure out who broke me and how to unbreak me. In desperation, they will slip me a sheet of paper with a simple linear equation written on it and a pencil. Then, they will be very excited to see that I am writing again, and they will go around congratulating the research who gave me the pencil and paper on how smart he is and how cleverly he fixed me. Then, when I've finished writing, they will look at the paper and they will see that I have not solved the equation. Instead, I have solely written the name of my old friend.

Cold shivers will go down all of their spines as they realize that I am more than just a savant turtle; I am actually a thinking, feeling turtle that misses his friend. Then they will feel very bad and guilty about having taken me away and locked me up, but they will know that their contracts mean that they can't set me free or give me back without being sued. They will be very sad, but then one of them will say that they know this group of animal extremist who would free me if the others would promise not to tell anyone. They all agree because they see how sad I am and they know that I am a turtle and will always be able to do more math for them later.

So the animals' rights people will come "break into" the lab and take me away. Now, they can't take me right back to see my friend because that's the first place the police would expect me to go, so I will have to lay low for a while with my new friend Carry who has orange hair (every animals' rights group has one of these, so there's no loss of generality).  She will be very fond of her smart turtle friend, and I will be happy she rescued me. Spending so much time together, one day, our eyes will lock, and we will know that we are both actually in love. She will kiss me and I will write to her that I am very sad that people are not allowed to marry turtles. Then she will say that this is wrong and that she wishes she was a turtle too. Then we will cry and cuddle and fall asleep.

Finally, the police will stop camping out from in front of my old friend's house, and we will be able to get in. Before we go, Carry will ask me not to go and to stay and be with her. But I will have to say no; her work is too dangerous for a turtle and I'd only slow her down. She will say that it is not true and that never let her work get in the way of her love for me, but we will both know that it cannot be.

We will go inside together and my old friend will greet me with great joy and much excitement. They will ask Carry how she saved me, but she will be to sad and leave quickly. She will turn and look back and I will wave goodbye. She will smile a bittersweet smile that only one who has felt their heart shatter can smile and then walk away.

Over the next few years, I will spend my time helping my friend with their math homework and plotting ways to overthrow humans as the dominate species on Earth. My friend is now in high school and has a laptop.  One day, they will leave their laptop on in the room, and I will use it and create my own hidden profile on their computer. From that point forward, any time they leave the computer in the room with me, I will use it and become very active on animals' rights forums (as well as the Interguild, thus making this and inter-species website). I will make many internet friends and we will plot together how we can make animals as good as people. It will be a goal that none of us really think we can achieve, but we will still do our best. The whole time, I will miss Carry and do my best to find a way that we can be reunited, even as she is trying to pass laws so that people can marry turtles. Other people will call her names; they will say that she has a sick mind and say cruel things about her, but I will know the truth. I will know that she is loving and kind and that she only wants to be with the love of her life. It will be difficult, but I will know that we will be together again one day.


....And that is why I would be a turtle.

TL;DR
Turtle.

Very... detailed... and nice.

But, nonetheless, applaud for you, sniper.

Karma deserves karma for his overly long speech.

I'd be a cat. Because cats are awesome. They are sweet and fluffy and cute and adorable. Especially kittens!

Hey Sniper, how do you "pot together"?

Ask your parents.
Fixed, btw.

They said you're a pervert.  Good to know.

I don't think they actually said that. I think you didn't ask because you're lazy. Also, there is nothing wrong with turtle love. What is wrong with you?

You're probably just high--as well as being a pervert--right now and that's making you say crazy assumptions that aren't true.

I think you're just a turtle-ist.

I feel so bad for turtles--if they fall just one inch, their shell breaks and they die

Wow, this discussion is spawning turtle ads in the Google Ads thingy. Also your parents probably thought you meant the kind of pot as in the drug that is illegal in the US.

Lolz. I controlz de interwebs. Because I'm a turtle!

I never said that there was anything wrong with turtles.  I mean, how could you not love them.  I'm just a bit wary of you, the turtle-wannabe.

Why are you browsing the interwebz with ads?  You're so last millennium.

Wait, does that make Chuck Norris a turtle? =L

Bmwsu, I only have ads on this site, and several others that I want to support.

Wow, I take it back. You're not a turtleist, your parents just have no aesthetic sense of pottery.

I don't believe having them not blocked helps...
I could be wrong, though.

Did you just insult my parent's sense of poetry!?

Yes. And also pottery. I thought that someone with their.... maturity.... would know more about ceramics. Clearly, I was mistaken. Unless they use a mortar and pestle to grind their drugs up. Clearly, your parents are members of an international drug cartel. Why else would their first thought be about drugs?

Yep, turtles, poetry and pottery are definitely related..