In the Kingdom of Portothenia, there lives a young Knyghte named Quirvy.

In the Kingdom of Portothenia, a young boy starts training to be a Knyghte at the age of 6. At first, he is a Tinneryn, the Portothenia equivalent of a page. Then, when he reaches his 12th birthday, he undergoes a Seramunie, becoming a Soquarynth, the Portothenia equivalent of a squire. When he turns 18, he undergoes another Seramunie, becoming a Knyghte at last. This Seramunie is called the Knyramunie.

In the Kingdom of Portothenia, a Knyghte starts looking for a Wyfe at the age of 21, approximately two years (called Sunryvovi, singular Sunryvovus in Portothenia) after the Porylathrian (peasant) men tend to marry. The problem is, the Kynog of Portothenia wants Quirvy to marry his daughter, the Cespryn Escherychia, whom Quirvy hates.

In truth, Quirvy wants to marry his Youthertym (childhood) friend, a beautiful maiden named Shosaerys. However, Shosaerys was chased out of their Munyssipalitos four years ago, while Quirvy was away training to become a Knyghte, after it was revealed that Shosaerys had been making steroids in her home, which is a highly illegal activity in the Kingdom of Portothenia.

What shall Quirvy do?

The Kynog loves Quirvy very much and treats him like a son. The Kynog does not have any sons himself. 12 Sunryvovi prior, when the Cespryn Escherychia was 7 Sunryvovi old, a son was born to the Kynog and his second wife, Queueghn Swhynfluna, but he died of Bloodneezles when he was 7 months old, while Swhynfluna was visiting her parents in Easteros. Swhynfluna was heartbroken after hearing the news of her son's death and never set foot in Portothenia again, choosing instead to become a nun in her Borningtym (native) country of Easteros. Despite being a Cespryn in her native land and a Queueghn in her husband's, she was not accepted by the other nuns because she had been married before. Her parents were disappointed that she had left her husband, and her father, the Kynog Goffney, removed all her royal titles and demoted her to a Unymorch (the Eastasian word for Porylathian). Now Swhynflugo (names ending with "na" are reserved for royalty, so her name has been changed with the change of status) works as a cleaning lady for the nuns, a life that she had never expected to lead.

It was believed that the Cespryn Escherychia would also die of Bloodneezles, just like her younger half-brother Sweiden, but she managed to recover from the disease. However, as a daughter cannot succeed her father in Portothenia, the young Cespryn Escherychia must marry a man who can be trusted to be a good Kynog in the future.

UGH! This is getting too similiar to Game of Thrones! why did greedy George Ronald Reagan Martin have to use up all the fantasy cliches!

I need to find another joke on myself

I think the proper spelling should be Quervy. Ser Quervy of Bamme, fourth of his name.

This is my story, not yours.

But what the Porylathians of their Munyssipalitos didn't know was that Shosaerys was making those steroids not for herself but for her dragons. Shosaerys was a highly active dragon racer in their Munyssipalitos, but, since she always sent her brother, who lived with his wife on the opposite side of their Munyssipalitos, in her place during the dragon races, as it was discouraged for women to race dragons in Portothenia, nobody knew that Shosaerys was not making the steroids for herself. Each year there are four dragon races, with one taking place in every Spynson (season). The seasons are Fleuryntym (spring), Sunnyntym (summer), Deprysidtym (fall), and Hivingtym (winter).

Unbeknownst to Quirvy, however, Shosaerys had already married a scientist named Jellileo Jellilei in her place of exile, a city called The Exillfort that is divided from the rest of Portothenia by a fence called The Fence, where the worst of criminals are sent to live among their own kind. Jellileo had been exiled by the Kynog of Portothenia after publishing a mathematical equation that proved that the Kynog was not descended from the Porylathian god Zaeious.

The Kynog of Portothenia had just received a letter from the Kynog of Easteros, begging him to try to convince Swhynflugo to return to her life as the Queueghn of Portothenia. For it was very embarrassing for King Goffney that his only daughter was working as a cleaning lady among the nuns. More importantly, King Goffney was in poor health and his doctor had in fact told him that he had less than a year to live, and it would be embarrassing and suspicious if his daughter Swhynfluna was not at the funeral which was obviously coming up. Immediately after receiving the letter the Kynog of Portothenia went on horseback and rode to Easteros while dressed as a simple merchant to try to beg Swhynflugo to return to Portothenia.

Meanwhile, Sur Quirvy decided to take this chance to return to his Borningtym Munyssipalitos to reunite with his Youthertym friends, his family, and most importantly the beautiful maiden Shosaerys, whom he planned to propose to the first chance he got. They had not seen each other since Quirvy became a Knyghte. However, when Quirvy first arrived in his Munyssipalitos, and asked the Porylathians where Shosaerys was, they suddenly became very suspicious. Quirvy knew this had to mean that Shosaerys was exiled. So without the Kynog's permission Quirvy set off for the Exillfort, even though it was illegal for Cithizines to go to the Exillfort. The punishment for going to the Exillfort without being exiled was being exiled, but Quirvy only cared about Shosaerys.

When Quirvy found Shosaerys in the Exillfort, he immediately knew that things had changed for the worst for his Youthertym friend. She was accompanied with a single one of her dragons. She explained that her other dragons had been taken away from her when she was exiled, but her last dragon was still an egg at the time and she managed to smuggle it into the Exillfort by hiding it in a complicated hairstyle. Its name was Drag-on. As in, this story is really dragging on and on and on. But that wasn't the most important part. The most shocking thing to Quirvy was that her beautiful brown hair had turned  completely white.

Shosaerys, I want you to know that unlike scumbag Quirvy, Jellileo doesn't care about the colour of your hair. Though this might be because Jellileo is colourblind and doesn't actually notice, this should still count in your decision.

Meanwhile, another Portothenian Knyghte was dealing with personal issues of his own. His name was Jon Rain, and he was part of a doomsday cult that believed the world was going to fall into an eternal Hivingtym with no Sunnyntym in sight forever. Their slogan was "Toujorivingtym is Coming" (Toujorivingtym means Forever Winter). They would go from door to door passing out pamphlets that explained the Toujorivingtym was coming and telling people to stock up on Twynncakes, a type of cylindrical sponge cakes with cream inside that were rumoured to last for five Myllhenia. However, this was not Jon Rain's main problem, for his mother had helped him escape from the doomsday cult when he was 8 by sending him away to become a Knyghte. Jon Rain had not been in contact with his mother or fellow cult members for 26 years. This meant he was 33 years old, for 26 plus 8 equals 33, according to Jon Rain. This will be explained in the next paragraph. Anyway, although most boys become Tinneryns when they're 6, Jon Rain was sent when he was 8, with his mother claiming that he was 6 to get him into the Tinnerynscol. This was easy to do because Jon Rain was always small for his age. It was his only chance of escape, at the sacrifice of his mother. But this is not why Jon Rain believed that he was 33. Despite claiming to be 2 years younger than he really was, Jon Rain always kept track of his real age. There was a much more sinister reason behind his confusion, and it will be explained in the next paragraph.

In his earlier life starting from the Tinnerynscol Jon Rain was famous for knowing everything. His friends and classmates would always say, "Wow, Jon Rain, you really do know everything." He knew all the capitals of all the states in both Portothenia and Easteros, and could name all the kings too. Jon Rain thought this was all because he was 2 years older than all his friends and had witnessed many horrible events in his doomsday cult, making him wiser and more prone to memorization. But recently, his memory had been failing him. He had Alzheimer's disease. Jon Rain was an illegitimite child who did not know who his father was, but if DNA testing was available in the medievel world he would find out that his father was the Kynog's late brother, Cepryn Roebrt, who died of Alzheimer's disease half a Decayed ago. All the royal genes would be in a special museum IF DNA tests existed in the medievel world, but it didn't, so this sentence is completely HYPOTHETICAL. And if Jon Rain knew that he was disposed to Alzheimer's disease he would not have let his friends make such a big deal of his intelligence.

Long story short, Jon Rain was a Knyghte from a doomsday cult who was secretly the illegitimate child of the Kynog's late brother.

Quirvy kneeled at the sight of Shosaerys. It was the habit of all Knyghtes to kneel at ladies when they saw them. This caused Shosaerys to realize how much Quirvy had changed since becoming a Knyghte, as Quirvy had never before kneeled at her in his life. She realized their friendship could never be like it was in their Youthertym. "My fair maiden Lady Shosaerys," he cried, "your hair has turned completely white." It was the custom of Knyghtes to also call all women fair maiden ladies after kneeling at them. Shosaerys realized that Quirvy had become completely assimilated in the government institution of Knyghtehoode.

"My Husbynde has been performing experiments on me and my dragon," Shosaerys replied. "He drained all the color out of my hair and pumped it all into Drag-on. Drag-on's scales used to be as bright as the snow from the sky, the foam at the edge of the ocean, the ivory from the mam-moth's tusk." (Mammoths are NOT extinct in the world of this story. Instead, they are alive and called mam-moths and are given to children as personal pets.) Quirvy looked at Drag-on. He was a gray ash color, but Quirvy only focused on the word, Husbynde.

Quirvy looked up at the 4th story of their house, and saw a man with a large beard trying to throw a cannonball out of the window. He was aiming it directly at Shosaerys' head, and...

Meanwhile, the Kynog's young nephew Thyron was reading a book called Valer Poopaerys with the help of his older sister, Salsa. When their father had died of Alzheimer's disease, Thyron was not yet a year old. Little did they know, they had an illegitimate half brother who was 33.

this is very concerning

Not as concerning as your twitter guyguy. http://twitter.com/_laeffy