The only good jokes I can think of are ones that are at the back of a TV Guide. I'm not sure if I should post them or not, but if you want a bit of a smile, (at least!) here's a joke from one guide...

What do you get if you cross a cow and a duck? Cream quackers.

See, pretty lame. But lemme just say, that even years after I first read that joke, I never ever said crackers the same way ever again. Even to this day I still confuse the two words. All because of this one joke!

...Why am I ranting again?

Q. What did the idiot do when he thought he was going to die?
A. Go to the living room!

Wow, Bryan. I have actually never head that one before. And it made me genuinely laugh. That might be because it's late, but it seems funny, lol.

What do you call a piano that fell down a mine shaft?

A-flat minor.

What do you call a nasty poke in the eye?
Visual aids.
DAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAhaA *snort*

Here's a classic: Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9.

What's green, has 4 legs and will kill you if it falls out of a tree?

Ok, I have a long one:

The Coffin Joke
So, there's this normal man. he works in an office and, after a hard days work, he stops off at a pub on the way home. there are two routes home, one a short cut, but through a suposedly haunted graveyard, the other the long way round, he goes the long way. So one day he had a really hard day at work, and got quite drunk at the pub. Now tonight (which happened to be a full moon) he was so tired and drunk he thought. "I will go down the short cut tonight to save time, as I'm so tired and drunk, there's no such thing as ghosts." So he set of into the graveyard. About halfway across, he heard a noise, ker klunk. " What's that" thought the man. But he kept on walking. Then again ker klunk, ker klunk. The man spun around, now quite scared, and there, silhouetted against the full moon was a coffin standig up. The man turned and walked a few steps. Ker klunk, ker  klunk. He span around and sure enough the coffin was closer. He turned and ran towards the graveyard exit, "Surely he it could not follow him out of the graveyard?" Ker klunk, ker klunk, ker klunk. The coffin was closing in. The man sprinted through the graveyard gate and up the road. Ker klunk, ker klunk, ker klunk. The coffin was out of the graveyard. The man sprinted along the roads to his house, but the coffin was closing the gap. Ker klunk, ker klunk. He ran up to his front door opened it, and then slammed and locked it behind him. "Surely the coffin couldn't get through there?" Ker klunk, ker klunk ,ker CRASH! The door was flung away and the man sprinted upstairs. "Surely a coffin can't climb stairs?" Ker klunk, ker klunk. Much to his horror the coffin was climbing the stairs. He sprinted down the landing and into a bathroom, which he locked behind him. "Surely a coffin can't get through a locked bathroom door?" Ker klunk, ker CRASH! The door splintered but did not break. Ker CRASH! The door splintered again but still held firm. Ker CRASH! with a final push the coffin smashed down the door. The man was now trapped, so he did what any man would do, and started chucking anthing he could at the coffin. First some soap, nothing happend. Then a towel, nothing happend. He then reached into the medicine cabinet, and threw some assorted pills and bottles, nothing happend. He reached in again and threw some Calpol, nothing happened. He then reached right to the back and threw some cough medicine. The coffin stopped.

Here's a good joke
There were two fish in a fish tank and one of them said to the other hey? how do you drive this thing?   

There is something creepy about people in jars. One might even say they're "jarring".
from tvtropes derp

Ok I've got some random ones:
There were two cows in a field. One says 'Moo' and the other one says 'Hey, I was about to say that.'
There were two horses standing in a field. One says 'I'm so hungry I could eat a horse.' The other horse replies 'Moo'.
How does a mummy start a letter?
'Tomb it may concern...'  
What happend to the ship that ran aground on a purple beach?
It was marooned.

What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic!   

Ok, this is a good one:
Two snowmen are standing in a field and one says to the other 'Hey, can you smell carrot?'

Ok,
What do you call an underground train full of clever people?
A tube of smarties  

Here's a joke from a play that I had and performed in last week:

What do you get if you cross a cow with a crystal ball?
A message from the udder side.

Why did the idiot stare at the juicebox?
Because it said "concentrate"

That one's old

Not really a joke, but funny nonetheless:

I can't believe I read through this thing. it took me 2 days with the university homework. 2 days. and the punchline...i expected more, but it was fine

what do you call an appointment with a doctor at 2:30- tooth "hurty"

What did the crocodile say to the kid?

Let's play "Snap".

What do you get if you cross a hyena and some gravy?
A laughing stock

This is really random I found it in a joke book,
what do you call a yeti in a phonebox?
stuck
(HONESTLY)

What did the bee say to the hive?

Honey, I'm home!

whats brown and sticky?






A stick!
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

(Say this out lou for the best effect.)
"Knock Knock" - 1
"Who's there?" - 2
"Europe" - 1
"Europe who?" - 2
"No your a Poo!" - 1